Dating someone different social class
But yeah I do think there’s a benefit to having your kid in a lot of activities — it does help them get into college — but there are also benefits from letting your kid take more control over their lives. And I’m certainly not going to say those studies are wrong, but for a lot of these things that are subtle, these ways of dealing with money and other important issues that you don’t necessarily talk about a lot with other people — they’re more intractable.And within the cross-class couples I looked at — who were married for an average of 13 years — those attitudes didn’t really change over time.So, kind of ironically, the people who cared less about divvying up housework might also not have done that much more.I think it might be a situation where learning from both sides is actually a pretty good thing.So they would say things like, “You know, it’s not how I do it, but I can understand why that other way makes total sense,” or could actually use their partner’s differences to help them solve a problem at times.So keeping in perspective that difference isn’t necessarily bad, and that they love their partner despite or because of all these differences, could help a lot. The women dealing with this, especially, were exhausted.They cared about gender equality, but the housework wasn’t the place where they wanted to fight that battle, and so they were happier in traditional roles and the husbands were happy that way.
These different ways of going about things are really engrained in us — they come from a place where it made a lot of sense in different class conditions and we practice them for years and years and years, and it seems so natural.
So they would obsessively read magazines and watch TV shows and go to stores and decorate their home and redecorate their home and try to figure out how to make their home look like an upper-middle-class home, and it was something that I don’t think they could ever feel comfortable with.
There was always this threat that somebody would come over and their true origins would be exposed. They’ve never been judged for their home, and they knew that nobody was going to judge them for their home.
So for somebody to come and say, , it seemed to the person asking like they weren’t necessarily asking for that much, but in reality it was kind of asking for the impossible.
And it was just kind of criticizing their way of being, their family’s way of being, their community’s way of being.